This blog entry may be a pep talk for me, a reminder that it’s okay to let go. If it helps or entertains anyone else, well praise the Lord! But, recently, I’ve had an epiphany if you will. I have reached a point in my life where I just don’t care for things the way I used to care. I have very little patience or tolerance for pettiness or religion or just things that doesn’t make sense. I speak when I want and say what I want. (Mind you, I know when to speak and when to shut up. Wish everyone did the same but I digress.)
It has been easy to cut some things and people out of my life. In those situations, I was being hurt more than healed, giving more than gleaning from those associations. But what do you do when you come to realize that a friendship you’ve had for more than twenty years, is toxic? I’ve endured the behavior. I’ve excused it. Ignored it. And I’ve always forgiven it. But when you tell someone you love that their actions are hurting you, they are supposed to try to make changes right? That is what love does, correct?
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
1 Corinthian 13:11
I am tired. My heart, my mind, my body, my spirit is just tired of forcing itself to endure things that I shouldn’t have to endure. At my age, I feel that things should be simple. And they are. I don’t have the time for pettiness, envies, lashing out at others, boastfulness. When I need help, I ask for it. If I need to talk, I speak. If I want to be alone, I am alone. I make no excuses for making a peace for myself. Nor should you. I have had to love family and friends from a distance. It has not been as hard as I thought.
Because the things I once thought were the world to me, are now obsolete. I focus on staying close to Jesus, raising my children and being as happy as I can in this present world. (That is hard enough.) I decided to cleanse myself of all things that are toxic to me. I have been replacing them with goodness, things that make me happy. It’s such a freeing feeling to my soul to surround myself with people who are at peace with themselves. I try to keep a circle of positive energy around me. Fill my small but wholesome inner circle with people who trust and believe in God.
Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,
And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:
Just typing that made me smile.
So, even though I tried in vain to hold on to those long running relatioships, I am a peace with not having them around. I guess you can say I have matured. My priorities have shifted. God doesn’t want any of us to waste time on things and people who do not love us, who are not good for us.
Trying to make things work has been waering on me heavily. I am tired of crying about it, questioning things and trying to make relationships sensible. They are not. God chose me. Why shouldn’t I do the same?
My beautiful brothers and sisters, love yourself enough to choose YOU.
Grace and peace,
Blessings and love,